It's strange how I live my life paralyzed with fear sometimes, only to discover that I am loved more than I ever realized. There have been so many things I've wanted to say to so many people, but nothing meaningful escapes my lips. It was fine, though. They talked instead, and they said all the things I should have said, and gave all the replies I wanted to hear, and in the end there was no need for apologies, as my shame and my guilt and my fears have been forgiven. All I could give then, was "thank you".
Maybe it's time for me to move beyond the fact that my parents don't know me, or that they love me very conditionally. I may be their eternal shame, but today I experienced from another a magnitude of unexpected kindness that shook my world. Just because my parents brought me to this world doesn't mean they will support me or…anything. It doesn't mean anything. Yet time and time again other people have let me know that I deserve to live in this world, and that my will to live on is justified.
Parental love is perhaps one thing I will never receive, but it is clear to me now that I am loved by others around me. I could not sustain myself without the affection of others, but I now accept that affection from my parents is unnecessary. I've spent so long basking in good fortune, but I was blinded by my misery. And now I know, I really do have it all.
Thank you for your love. Thank you for your kindness.
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