Think more

I'm meant to be studying (I think I'm always meant to be studying) but instead I wasted some more time reading about Forbe's most eligible billionaire bachelors. I think subconsciously I've given up on myself and I'm running through desperate tactics in my head, such as "what if I marry some rich person and the exam I have in a month will be completely pointless". At the same time I'm watching a live concert recording of Hatsune Miku- you know, the vocaloid. I wish I was there- the Magical Mirai concerts look amazing.

I know my life has reached a new low when I realize Hatsune Miku is my dream girl. Maybe I'm more of a social recluse than I thought- but she's seriously cute. It's alright, I'm not the only person with a thing for fictional characters- I'm sure many would argue that fictional romances are the best kind. Nobody's going to dump you, and the relationship lasts as long as you want. The main pitfall is that nothing is real and society disapproves and your mother is starting to get very concerned about how much affection you show your pillow.

Oh dear.

On an unrelated note, I'm beginning to think that my life could be so good if I had about 10k and 2 months free time. All that travelling I could do- a nice, luxurious holiday. Or I could spend it all on material goods, because who needs travel when you're single. I honestly think travelling alone is one of the most miserable things you can do, because it just amplifies how empty you are on the inside. I remember when I went to the UK at the end of last year- and I'd take photos and eat nice food- but there was no one to share it with. I'd post things to social media, and it'd look like I'm bragging--- but those who've figured me out will know I wasn't having that much fun if I bother posting every 2nd thing I do on social media. When I'm having a good time with my friends, I try VERY hard not to play on my phone, so there's none of that facebook/instagram business. Then I also FORGET to post things, because I'm too busy engaged with... well, having a good time.

Oh well. I'm just at that age in life where everything is starting to look a little meaningless, but I haven't reached "midlife crisis" because I'm still young so I can't say "OH MY FUCKING GOD I'VE DONE NOTHING OVER THE PAST 10 YEARS". Well actually, I don't feel like I've achieved a lot over the last 10yrs of my life, since it was mostly just school-school and more school. But I was young and almost everyone my age went to school, so I can forgive myself for that, right?

Getting back to what I could do with 10k--- you know what, I don't think 10k would cover all the material things I desire. I want my own apartment by the beach, I want a nice car, and those things are pretty much out of my reach for now. I did decide I want a new iPad, because the iPad pro looks really nice, and I'm impressed by the degree of control you can achieve with the stylus. It only costs like... 1k5. Hah, ONLY 1k5. Then I want enough money to pay for health insurance, and I want enough money for an electric piano (I mean, I have an actual piano, but it's at my parents' house so it's really more my sister's now). I'd really like some new headphones; I'm no audiophile but I want noise-cancelling headphones. And those cost a couple hundred dollars- I've been spending <$20 for earphones all my life, so it's a bit of a jump. I also want bluetooth speakers for my phone... I want more clothes, more shoes, a reasonable bookshelf and a nice chair.

I want a lot of things and I don't have a lot of money for nice things. I should work a bit harder.