Monthly Review

My efficiency at work has greatly improved.
I'm quite proud of myself at the moment.
I also worked some dog-shit shifts which saw me going for 14h without food. Would not recommend.
Why the fuck is "rostered overtime" a thing. If you NEED to roster people for overtime, it means you haven't hired enough people because holy fuck what????
Also I see why people complain about being used and abused. Those times you have to stay back 30min - 1hr, you don't feel like it's important enough to claim overtime, but you legitimately work extra time every day and it's like, by the end of the week you've accumulated several hours which you were not paid for. That's just... so... not cool.

In terms of the private life- I've made so many friends. Work friends are great, the environment is something you can only dream of. I mean I've had some scuffles here and there already, and there's someone who I'm working with that I don't have a lot of respect for... I was trying to learn from this friend of mine, who I said "saw the best in everyone". I used to think she way too naive and that it'd ruin her, but over time I've appreciated how that actually makes you a better person, if you judge people by their best intentions and don't presume the worst about everyone you ever meet. Ofc you need to be realistic and have some grounds in reality, but it's all about the mindset. So I tried. But this guy, this guy, right, he just says some of the most fucked up things and IT PISSES ME OFF. I work with some extremely vulnerable people whose lives are in the shits, and sometimes I know it's near-impossible to sympathise with them. but IT'S NOT OUR JOB TO JUDGE THEM FOR THEIR MORAL CHARACTER. So don't you dare judge them when you've had the privilege of a good education and a family to go home to at night. These people have lost everything, and maybe it's their fault, or maybe this God we cannot see decided to fuck them over but spare you instead.

This guy, I swear, is the ultimate embodiment of Christian hypocrisy- goes to church every Sunday, couldn't find enough decency within to shut his fucking mouth when he can't think of anything more appropriate to say.

Okay, rant over. To be honest I don't think he's a fundamentally bad person, he's just very old and fixed in his ways and I've lost all hope for him. But I am young and ambitious and I want to try save the world whilst I have the energy to, so I guess I look down on people like him, who give off the feeling of death despite being alive.

Anyway, work tomorrow. I better sleep. It's going to be a fantastic year.

Work Got Better

I feel like I have no idea wtf I'm doing at work, but I've managed to get a bit further along than last week. At least I no longer get lost inside my workplace and run around like a headless chicken. Everything still feels far to large and the lights far too bright, but yes, I'm slowly adjusting.

I haven't quite gotten over my fear of calling people on the phone, but unfortunately it's a daily job of mine. It's weird that I wouldn't mind speaking to them face to face or over text, but a phone call just seems so... idk, idk how to describe it but basically it weirds me out. I think doing everything via text would suit me so much better... maybe it's just a feature of my generation.

Anyway I got paid for work and idk if it makes everything right again, but at least it means I can pay off rent. I already spent my first paycheck on that iPad I always wanted to use as a drawing tablet- I get to pick it up tomorrow so that's mildly exciting. Yes, I did buy a vacuum cleaner. It was $200 but it works and I'm satisfied.

I need to stop spending money, I say as I browse electric pianos in my area.

I started work and it sucked

Well I didn't start real work just yet... it's mostly orientation stuff, getting to know people. I'm just having a difficult time adjusting to the fact that I'm being paid to stay back every day so I actually need to stay back til that time. Every night I come home and I feel like I'd be okay if the world ended then and there, because it's not like I have effort to do much else. Luckily there was a long weekend and I survived, but it was a struggle.

It makes me worried- if I struggled this much through orientation, how much more is real work gonna suck? Or maybe I'll enjoy it, idk. I'm pretty positive that it'll all work out, but I think I'm mostly just... scared that I'm staring down "the rest of forever", though it may not necessarily be true.

I made some new friends though. That's been great. I finally finished moving into my new place, then I went out with my new friends and we had a bit of fun. We went to a national park and established that yes, I am physically unfit and I really need to exercise more. My body's still aching from the workout... it's kind of embarrassing to describe.

On an unrelated note, I'm still bleeding money like you wouldn't believe... I've furnished my home, and now I'm thinking of buying a $300 vacuum cleaner and a digital piano... My life just feels really... empty without the music.

I guess I better stop bitching about work (that I haven't started for reals yet) and make some money...

I don't want to start work

So I went to check out my new work place and get some paperwork sorted before work officially starts on Monday. I was pretty much shitting myself as I walked through the building... Everything just looked newer and taller and more technologically advanced than we had it up North. Then the receptionist gave me the coldest reply I'd ever received when I asked her for directions to the office... and I was starting to feel a bit... uneasy. I mean she looked like me when I used to work at KFC, the "if my life were to end now it would be bliss" face, as you talk to the next person in front of you.

Anyway I lugged all my things and moved closer to work... but the place I'm renting hasn't been sorted out and like.... it's a nightmare imagining having to clean and set up furniture and just get everything ready by the evening... ahhhh it's a total disaster. I'll be so happy when everything's sorted and I can settle down for a bit. I've been haemorrhaging money since moving... wtf is stamp duty and why is it so expensive? Furniture, too. Furniture prices seemed reasonable until you realised you have to buy all kinds of furniture at once... then it's like ????????????? what.

Despite my frenzy and concerns over my financial stability, I am 2 clicks away from buying an iPad pro and the apple pencil that comes with it. I just... want to draw, so badly? I can think of so many reasons why I shouldn't buy it, and only one for why I should buy it... and that one reason is "because I want to". Weird how that has the same weight as everything on the other side, ranging from "you already have an iPad" to "you literally have to draw from your savings to afford this iPad".

Ah, needing money but not wanting to work. The life.

A New Beginning

Happy New Years....

Although I'm writing this about a week late. I've spent the past month in (almost) absolute bliss. I saw most of the friends I've wanted to see, and I had fun spending money, going on holidays and playing too many games for my own good, probably.

I still haven't shaken off my mobile game addiction and I continue to play almost religiously. Whoops. The most productive thing I've done is probably sort out my accommodation for this year, since I'm going to be working full time. Oh my God the prospect scares me to shits. Work. Responsibility. Then on top of all this my never-ending goals to lose-weight-get-fit-(but maybe not too much weight)-read-more-find-love-study-harder it just gets a bit... too much to think about. Naturally I've decided to bury my head in the sand and "worry about it later".

Oh, I read Hannibal and Hannibal Rising at a beach house. Yeah I know I see like a loser, reading books when I'm at the beach, but it's really hot during the day time and I don't enjoy getting roasted by the Sun. I'm lucky I tan instead of burn, but that only slightly lowers my risk of skin cancer. Anyway, I'm glad I found those books at the beach. I've seen the TV show Hannibal in all its glory, but the novels were something else. I actually like the TV show much better (not just because I found the actors more attractive), but I felt as if the characters improved on the given source material. There were also some aspects of the novel which I found a bit... old fashioned. Like how uh, when you read Sherlock Holmes and there's a chapter that's randomly racist, and you realise it wasn't considered racist in their time, but it disturbs you now. Despite that, good read. Glad I read something.

I was actually quite surprised at the ending of Hannibal... I kind of envisioned a Hamlet-esque showdown where everybody ends up dead, but it wasn't that at all. I'd call the twist "refreshing", though I've read criticism claming that the ending undermines certain characters' development. I simply felt those characters arrived at one of their many character conclusions. I don't really want to spoil it in case someone reading this decides to read it some day. All I can say is that I wish they'd renew more seasons of Hannibal the TV show, because whew it's a good story.

Well, here's hoping that 2018 brings good things.