Honestly not much had changed since I last wrote, even though it's been more than a month. I took a break somewhere in between all the work I was doing (mostly because I fell ill) then recovered by binging anime with a close friend. I finally finished watching Steins;Gate (mostly because my friend made me) and while I can no longer call it a bad show it's definitely something I would have never finished watching if my friend wasn't sitting beside me the whole time I didn't get into the show until about half way through until I finally wanted to just, find out wtf was happening. Though I had the same feeling about Darling in the Franxx, which is basically a pile of shit molded into the form of an anime series--- and I gotta say Steins;Gate seemed to have a bit more substinance to it.
Violet Evergarden was probably the best thing (in terms of anime) I've watched this year though... amazing artwork and music, though the stories get a bit bland a predictable, they overplay the emotions/human relationships theme. I enjoyed watching it immensely regardless. I just wish I could draw/color like that someday, though with the rate of my current practice it almost feels as if I'll never get there.
It's almost alarming how fast time flies when you get into a sort of routine. I don't feel as if I'm learning very much on a day to day basis, but then at one point you realise you're experienced now and you're no longer freaking the fuck out like you were on your first day. This is the place I've wanted to reach all along... to become comfortable with my job and not have an anxiety attack before I go to bed each night, hoping I'll never have to wake up to face "tomorrow". I think I have a long, looooong way to go before I reach any semblance of "excellence" but for now I am happy to say I am "competent". I don't really want to get stuck here though, because I don't think anyone who's ever advertised themselves as "competent" made the greatest impression.
Ever since I entered school I've wanted to "fast-foward" my life, because I thought school was miserable and I honestly didn't want to be there. Right now I'm happier than I ever was, honestly. I filled in a survey about my job today, and I find myself writing that my satisfaction score with life was an 8/10. Not 10/10 because of my innate human greed, not 9/10 because I've got nothing in terms of intimate relationships or family, but 8/10 because I have great friends, a job I'm happy with, and I'm finally satisfied with myself as a person, knowing that I'm always looking to improve but I will never feel incomplete or empty again. Due to this I no longer want to fast-forward my life, and I almost lament that time is passing by too quickly for me to realise what is happening. Small changes here and there, and I feel different to the person I was only 8 months ago. It's not a bad thing, for sure, it just feels incredibly weird and I feel like I'm ageing rapidly despite being "young".
Well, here's to my rapidly dissolving youth.
