100 Days Challenge

Someone I know is doing this 100 days challenge, where she has to keep on being happy for 100 days. Instead of going "gaaaaay" like I normally do when I hear of such things, I actually thought this one was quite cool. I actually want to do something like that- maybe not 100 days happy, because I don't think I'm physically capable of achieving that. I kind of want to do it over my blog but I don't know if I have enough dedication to blog continuously for 100 days. I had a look at my blogging record the other day, and realized 2013 has been a terrible year for blogging- though I was soooo surprised that I almost managed 1 post a day through 2012. That's just like...crazy. Also it makes me sad to think that if I'd been writing a novel, I'd be close to finishing by now.

Gonna side track a little now- but I've always wanted to write my own novel. I come up with such great ideas, but I never actually bother fleshing out my story. At some point I realize writing novels require commitment and actually...well, writing. I do have a place where I keep the beginnings of all my stories though, so if I get bored enough one day I will write it all out. Though all my great ideas become invariably embarrassing after some time, so maybe not.

Anyway- 100 days challenge. I kind of want to do one. 100 days of blogging sounds like the most realistic kind of challenge right now- even if I'm travelling or something I can blog a paragraph or two on my phone. Except a part of me REALLY, like, REALLY want to do the 100 days of being happy thing. It's not like I have to be happy for the whole day, I just need to find one thing that day which made me happy. It could be a cure to my pessimism- and I don't mind if nothing good happens all day- but if I TRY to find something "happy" to blog about on that day, at least I'd learn to appreciate the less-shitty things in life.

So uh, I think doing something- or at least trying to- is probably better than saying you want to do something without actually doing it. Here goes then. This is going to be day #1 of me finding something happy in my day: the best thing that happened today is when I saw my friend who I thought I'd lost all contact with, due to a mysterious disappearance. As I sat on a bench, musing to my room mate that you only appreciate someone when you can't see them any more, she called out, "is that who I think it is?"

And yeah sure enough there was that friend of mine who had mysteriously disappeared, who I thought I had lost all contact with. The sight of him walking towards me, looking much the same as he did 3 months ago, was just one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Yeah, I'm a massive romanticist- but I felt quite overwhelmed just seeing him, okay? A part of my thought he had died or something- or that he'd just disappeared without word or warning, and I'd probably never see him again. It was like that moment in Cloud Atlas where Frobisher was sitting alone, watching sunrise, and he sees Sixsmith. Well I'm not saying I'm like Frobisher and what happened didn't even come close to tearing my heart into a million pieces like Cloud Atlas did, but that was the kind of feeling.

And there you go. The start of my 100 days challenge- day 1: something happened in my life that made me legitimately happy, even if I am still tired and bored and life still drags on.

Seriously though, cockroaches

Day 3: the number of cockroaches in this house is reaching "unbearable". I understand that they are nocturnal, bur every time I go to the kitchen for food or water, there are at least 2 around, just casually scampering across the floor. It's actually really disgusting, how big these bugs are.

I've sprayed a heavy layer of repellent across the threshold of my door, so hopefully that'll keep the cockroaches out of my room. I've looked around the house and I've determined that there is no way of going about exterminating the cockroaches. There are so many goddamn holes and cracks in the walls and tiles of the house, I just think it's impossible to seal everything. On top of that, this house smelt like it hasn't been attended to in a century when I moved in, so I'm certain there are cockroach nests in the walls somewhere. The owner doesn't seem too scrupulous about hygiene, either, so I'm seriously concerned. I don't see how anyone can say "I don't mind" when you just open the door to your room and see cockroaches running around the place.

The solution now is to buy my own bottle of cockroach spray, because I don't think the stuff we keep is strong enough to kill the cockroaches. The most annoying thing is that the owner has no vacuum cleaner, so I'd have to pick up the cockroaches, alive or dead, with my hands. It's not like you can't feel it, even through 3 layers of paper towels.

Anyway, I think I'm experiencing what it feels like to live in a rural dump. But at least the air is sweeter in rural places, and there is less noise pollution from cars etc. I also live on the main road, and the sound of cars driving past is actually incredibly loud and incredibly annoying. I could barely concentrate during the day, and now I live in constant paranoia of touching or stepping on a cockroach when I do something.

I don't think is year is going to work out for me either. I need to either get over my squeamishness with the cockroaches, find a way to kill them all, or move the fuck out ASAP. Right now though, I'm not sure I have enough energy to move out since I literally got here like, 2 days ago, so I hope the bug spray I buy will be effective. I know myself well enough to understand that I'm not going to get over cockroaches any time soon.

First Day Back

The first day isn't as terrible as it was last year. I think I'm just more resigned to the fact that I'm attending a second-preference school and that it's not so bad up here. We had these boring-ass lectures where it was painful for both the lecturer and the audience, but it's just one of those things that had to be done, otherwise people get mad or whatever. Then we were "warned" (I really mean threatened) once again about posting stuff on social media, and that was thoroughly unpleasant. I think this blog is going to incriminate me some day, so I should probably delete it... eventually. I kind of want to write about what happened, but given the "warning" I'm wondering whether it's just a bad idea to do that now. Basically what I'm saying is, I didn't have a good time.

I bought some really expensive tiger balm at the pharmacy after the lectures- I was really sick of my legs itching due to mosquito bites. God those things are VICIOUS out here. I swear they're all out to get me. So now my leg is burning as if it was on fire, yet somehow that is still preferable to it being itchy. I dealt with the house smelling like dust by buying air freshener- and that's actually improved it quite a bit. I'd leave the windows open but I keep forgetting, and when I get home it's dark and I don't want moths flying in my room- at least now they're only circulating my room mate's lights.

The only thing which hasn't improved are the cockroaches. There was that one I found last night, where I said it was gone by the time I found the bug spray. Well I sprayed this cockroach today, and the bug spray didn't even fucking work. Like I sprayed it and it ran for a couple of meters, and I kept on spraying it until the cockroach was practically white (because I'd covered it in spray), then it ran out the door. Naturally I didn't go chasing after it, but yeah that was kind of an awful experience. Then about an hour later, my room mate finds this massive ass cockroach on her carpet, and I suspect THAT'S the one I saw last night, because it was fucking massive.

All evidence points towards there being a cockroach nest somewhere in this house, and I'm just hoping I don't get infected with something terrible. Even though I don't have a phobia of cockroaches I still don't want to like, touch one. I mean, they are kind of gross...

Still, cockroach, bad smelling house and terrible wifi is STILL not the worst thing. No, the shitty lecture wasn't the worst thing either. The worst thing of all, is how badly I'm missing a particular friend of mine right now. He was someone I really got along with last year- and we lost touch during the holidays because I was busy working and just didn't think of him all too often- then it turned out he wasn't at school today. I thought it was mighty strange, because I wag all my lectures like it doesn't even matter, but HE goes to every single fucking one of them. Even if they're scheduled at totally stupid times, he will show up. Then I checked a list of people in our year--- and he just WASN'T THERE. The only explanation is that he is no longer part of the course, but that makes me feel so bad. I've texted him but he hasn't replied, so now that I WANT to get in touch with him I can't anyway. And it's just all... I don't know. It feels terrible when you expect someone to be there and they've just...practically...disappeared. I really do miss him. 

I just wanted this year to be a better year. I don't think realizing you've lost one of your favorite people on the first day of school is the way to go. 

Rampant Cockroaches

Maybe it's because I live in Australia, where every creepy creature is oversized- but the cockroaches in my new house are MASSIVE. Like, they are the same size as huntsman spiders. In fact, that's why I mistook a cockroach for a spider and almost freaked the fuck out, until I saw its little antenna things and realized it was just an oversized cockroach. Still, it was kind of gross and I wish I didn't see cockroaches running around every time I went to the kitchen.

It'd be better in a newer house, but I guess that's what you get when you want something with cheap rent and close to the school. Still, the terrible wifi reception is killing me- I want to watch youtube videos, goddammit.

Apart from cockroaches, the mosquito population here also seems quite keen to introduce themselves to me. I can no longer count how many bites I have on my leg, but all I know is that patches of my skin alternate between being really itchy or painfully inflamed. I really wish I had some tiger balm, but I can't see any Asian grocery stores nearby. I guess I should go to the pharmacy, but I have no idea where the fuck it is.

Fuck I can't believe school starts tomorrow. Life is so dismal.

New Place

I've just moved into a new place for school- and I've already been chewed out by mosquitoes in several places. The wifi here is god-awful. The owner of the house is nice enough, but he doesn't understand how much I suffer when he forgets the wifi password. He called up the telecom company to ask, and apparently they gave him the wrong password on the first go, and he had to try again. 

Anyway I appreciate his efforts to help, but right now I'm sitting in the lounge, in complete darkness save for the light on my screen. I hope this post will actually save, since I have no internet connection. It's so goddamn awkward, I don't know why the stupid router doesn't reach here. I'd happily BUY a new router for him just so I can use the wifi. I know I made a resolution to play less games and study more and whatever, but not having internet at the moment feels like withdrawing from nicotine- it's just not that easy. Yes I can draw I can read and hell I can even study, but all I can think about is how nice it'd be if I could access the goddamn internet and do--- absolutely nothing.

The house itself is located on a main road- convenient for transport, terrible for low noise levels. Also my room has windows which are bolted shut, and the owner told me he doesn't get along with the neighbors so I should draw my blinds for some privacy. I'd like a bit of light now and again, so it's like, REALLY awkward. But it's like, as long as they're not TRYING to perv on me, it should be fine. And even if they were- well I have a great body so there's not much to be ashamed of- but that's beside the point.

My room right now smells like dust and graveyard. Old. Ancient. Like, I don't even know how to describe it. Basically it smells like decay and I can't stand it. With the windows shut too, it's almost unbearable. It's drizzling outside though, so I don't want to feel cold, but at the same time the stuffiness in here is driving me mad. I've spent like, 7 or 8 hours on the train and coach- near suffocation, so I don't need this shit again. 

The coach ride was nice, despite my heavy luggage. I traded seats to sit next to this guy who was kind of cute and I wanted to talk to him but I was way too awkward, then I plugged earphones in to play games and he did the same, so it was too late to start talking then. I think the only thing I said to him was to ask whether he was getting off at the airport, in case I had to get up and let him out. My life is full of wasted opportunity. Well, not like, entirely wasted- but I'm so... half-hearted? Like I had enough balls to trade seats so I could sit next to him- my ulterior motive was clear to anyone who knew me- but then I chickened out and didn't even talk to him. Like, wtf is wrong with me. Then for 3 and a half hours we sat in silence, while I pretended not to care.

The train ride was much worse because it was public and there wasn't a place to store my massive suitcase. I reckon my suitcase weighs at least 30kg- maybe more. I could barely lift it. I shoved it in between seats on the train, effectively taking up the space of 4 people. Then I felt too awkward to take up even more room for myself, so I crammed myself into one of the seats, and then had no room for my legs. I spent the entire trip with my legs elevated, and I could feel like going numb from the lack of bloodflow. That was actually painful. Then there were people yapping about, and I just gave up in the end. 

Anyway, that takes me to the house- I can't get over how old this house actually is. You can literally sense its age in the air. I NEED to buy some air freshener. My room mate is supposed to arrive tomorrow, so maybe I'll put off shopping- though I don't know how long I can stand it. I'm such a wuss, with minimal tolerance for almost everything. I just hope nothing gets too bad in here- I think I might be live with the whole "no wifi" ordeal, provided that I just hang out at school all day. Staying at school actually isn't that bad if doing work was what I had in mind. I'm just lamenting the fact that I won't be able to watch or play LoL for quite some time. I'd love to graduate- right about...NOW. I'd like a bit of money. and I'll buy myself a nice, modern apartment with a massive TV, and I'll watch movies on it while falling asleep on an expensive Italian leather couch. 

It's nice to dream when you can't connect to the goddamn wifi.